The Spitting Image of my Father!!!

Jessica Andrews - Who I Am Lyrics


If I live to be a hundred
And never see the seven wonders
That'll be alright
If I don't make it to the big leagues
If I never win a Grammy
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know exactly who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

So when I make a big mistake
And when I fall flat on my face
I know I'll be alright
Should my tender heart be broken
I will cry those teardrops knowing
I will be just fine
Cause nothing changes who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know just where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I'm a saint and I'm a sinner
I'm a loser; I'm a winner
I am steady and unstable
I'm young, but I am able

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am

I am Rosemary's granddaughter
The spitting image of my father
And when the day is done my momma's still my biggest fan
Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy
But I've got friends that love me
And they know where I stand
It's all a part of me
And that's who I am
That's who I am





There was something weighing hard on my heart last weekend...... I eneded up having a full flegged anxiety attack, over something that happened maybe 10 years ago......but the way I was feeling.....was the same way I felt when it happened! I do not know why something like this all of the sudden came back to me.....But it did!!! Me being the spitting image of my father.

So about ten years ago, my mother, grandmother and I were camping at a local state park. We all went for a walk through the woods and picked berries and had a grand ol time. When we started to head back to the camp site the wind started to pick up and was blowing everything around. Well I had not staked my tent down before this because I didnt see much reason to it....since there was NO wind before this moment. Well when we got back to the camp site my tent was blowing all around and was basically in a big smooshed pile. So my Mom and I started pulling it back to the spot and trying to get it staked down, during this NOW major wind storm. Well My mom and I were not agreeing AT ALL on how to get this accomplished. She wanted to do it one way, and me being stubborn me, wanted to do it another, and sense it was MY tent, I was sticking to that..... well being ME! The teenage Bipolar anger manangment ME! I was yelling at my mom and carrying on....Which my mom can handle just fine.....She unfortunatly was used too how I acted back then......but my grandmother on the other hand was not. And my grandmother heard how I was yelling and being stubborn and trying to boss my mother around, and etc, and My grandmother yelled at me "YOU ARE JUST LIKE HIM!" I stopped in my tracks, and turned around and said? "HUH??? WHO??" She said "YOUR AWEFUL!!! Just like your devil of a Father!" OMG she did not just say that!!! I Yelled at her, something I would never want to ever say to my grandmother, and then I ran away!
The whole sitituation just tore me up....I love my grandmother with all of my heart and soul, and I would never want to say such things to her. But what she said completely broke my heart! I couldnt breath.....I couldnt think!

I mean How could I be like him???? Ive never been around him!! I didnt even know at the time what that really meant....to be like him.....because honestly what was he like? But what I did know that is my ENTIRE family hated him, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and with good reason my sister! My mom...always tried to not show her pain, and her feelings of him for my benifit.....but I knew he was a bad man! And now.....my grandmother is compairing me to him!! I just wanted to die...

Not until about 5 years later, when I was diagnosed with being Bipolar, and my mom and I did research on what that was and the different symptoms of it, and then finally doing some family research and finding out where I got my bipolar, did I understand what being like my father meant.

You see, my father was dicharged from the military and on ssi for manic depression, my grandmother (on my dads side) was diagnosed with manic depression, my great grandmother and great great grandmother (on my dads side) both were treated and housed in state instatusions and died from manic depression! Manic Depression and now known as Bipolar is heriditary! But it being in the blood line is not all... Ussually something happens in a persons life that pushes them over that edge!

I did not know any of this family history, sense I was not close to my father and/or the rest of the family before then. When I was diagnosed I mentioned in a letter to my grandmother (on my fathers side) about the bipolar, and that is how I found out.....all of the deep dark family secrets! This is how I was like my father! Who would have known! Well NOW I DO!

Yes, since then my grandmother (on my moms side) and I have made up.......and we have bonded alot more sense then! And yes, my bipolar manifests it self in much different way then it used too! Understanding is the true blessing!

My father has never given me much......other then a bunch of pennies......but now I can say that I have this from him......and yes.....It is a burden in my life sometimes.... But I am learning to make it into a blessing....and I am learning how appricate it and myself for everything that it and I am! :)