New Hair, New Year, New Start!

I have been looking at some of my old blogs. Its amazing how much I feel the way way then I did 2 or 3 years ago. Also in the same respect, I feel that I have been on this journey to being more publicly "Normal"....but while on that journey I feel that I have completely lost who I truly am. I have so many Burdens on my heart that really I just need to let them go, because honestly they just dont matter at all!
Some people probably wonder why do not edit my blogs, or heck even sensore my blogs..... and honestly your missing the point. The point is not for me to communicate with the world, in this frabricated way....The point of this blog is two-fold.....First: The Blog is a SAFE way for me to release some of the Bipolar energy that I can not release in any other way. And Second: For the World to understand how random and how quickly a bipolar persons mind can switch from one thought to another and they me not even know it. Honestly if I were to sit here and "EDIT" after I was completly done, the only EDIT that would be done is DELETE! And honestly I dont want to Delete these blogs....the reason is Also two-fold.... first I get some real insights into myself when I look back at my old blogs. and Second, when people comment, or even verbally tell me what they thought about what I said and such it also gives me things to focus my thoughts onto. Now That being said..... My Blogs in NO WAY are meant to upset or to offend someone. But You have to know that this is my way of venting my feelings and thoughts. I WILL NOT edit my thoughts! I have to do that so much of my life already.....and you may not understand how painful it is, to hide yourself from those who think they know you or understand you, but it rips my soul out every time I do it.... Honestly as of lately I almost feel like I no longer have a soul....Back to the point....I will not sensore my thoughts or feelings, this is my outlet! You have to understand that I am not going to like everything that you do or say to me..... Just as you do not like everything that I say or do to you! But This is my outlet! I reccomend that if you do not like it you can either STOP READING, or you can get your own damn blog and vent it out! I do think that it is completley ridiculous that I now have to SENSORE my facebook page, because my husband's sister married a WANKER! I mean seriously, Do you really think its all about you? (I mean other then this portion of this blog right here) Because it wasent, its still not! You Naive lil F'er!!!! You have never said a word to me in person! And then you write some BS comment on my facebook, and I tried I really tried to be as nice and polite as I can, even though YOUR RUDE! and now we have a family incident on our hands! Give me a Flippin break! Pull your head out of your ass and get a clue!!!! Oh and your wife may deal with your abusive personality BUT I WILL NOT! I didnt deal with it from my Ex-Husband, and I WONT deal with it from you! You just test me lil man! If you wanna go run to Mommy again, thats just fine..... But I will bring DAD into this, and then where will you be!? Dont temp me!! SO BUGGER OFF!
So 2009 has been CRAP of a year! My goal is to make sure that 2010 is at least a more enjoyable one. Live Life as if I were Dying! I dont really care what tomorrow brings! Lets Just enjoy today....Live in the Moment! 2009 also really lacked some good Blogs! I guess I was using Facebook more and a blog! Well Thats over now! Oh and if any of you wonder why there will no longer be status updates, or blog links in my facebook, you can go thank the WANKER! ;) I dont wont this blog to be private....but ovbiously some people cant handle it! So for them, THEY DONT HAVE TO LOOK AT IT! But for the rest of you, who accually care about what goes in my life and or my mind......please carry on and read away! I also aplogize for my temper! If you cant tell ive been pretty upset about this for awhile now!
My Grandma Riddell passed away this past Wednesday. She was my Father's Mother. I recon I will write a blog just to her, in the nearest of futures. I will miss her terribly, But I am happy that she is with the Lord now! My thoughts and Prayers go out to my Sister's in OHIO! I guess thats all I have to say about that, for now! :(
Its amazing lately I can not write about things very well RIGHT when they happen.... I have been having to wait! My emotions have been seemingly to
much for me to be able to think about, write about, or even comepletely understand.
So for the New Year I CUT MY HAIR!!! I have been wanting to cut it super short for such a long time, But J does not like it so much, so for him I have been keeping it longer! (Longer then what I wanted, But not LONG by any means!) I have been completely feeling out of control of my life lately, just with all the life drama that has been going on. So I decided that one thing that I could control was my hair! Kinda a new beginging for me. This year I plan to find myself again. I feel like I have been so lost for so long... I plan to write more blogs....Im hoping to AT LEAST write 1 blog every 2 weeks.....if not more~! Even if they are a little shorter, I think that will be fine. Also this year, I plan to write only positive facebook status's....if I need to say more, then I shall be in a blog! It's funny, that even though Im serioulsy annoyed that I now have a "Family Incident" on my hands, It all seems to have happend for a reason, God really does make things happen for a reason, and its just our job to make the most of it. This is also true when It comes to the Roommate situation. I was kinda becoming a major bump on a log when I came home from work, and would just sit down and watch TV and comepletely disapear from reality. The Roommate being here, and me moving the Furniture, I think was all in Gods Plans. His plan to get me off my BUTT! and do something ANYTHING! So blogging, excercizing, being a better wife, heck even talking to people on the phone more often (for some people, that isent a good thing...but for me, I ussually only text message people, so if you dont communicate via text message, I ussually dont communicate with you)....these are all things that I plan to do with my new start this year! Its a Goal at least! ;) I think that this may be one of the first times I have ever accually made a New Years Resolution! Good For Me! :) Im trying somethings new! HAHAHA