Memories are like the chicken pox scars of the soul!

I havent written a blog in a very long time. I stopped since I got so busy.....but honestly I find it to be very therapeutic. Alot has happened alot has changed.....but yet in the same way, NOT A SINGLE THING has changed. It almost seems pointless to talk everything that I have been up too.....what does it really matter....same thing different day. Some moments are great and grand, others are just whatever. The point of this is not to keep updated on what is going through my life, but rather for me to vent and get things off my shoulders......Hopefully though, people who do take the time to read this, will also take the time to comment and give me feedback with their thoughts, ideas, feelings and or etc.....also I would hope that the people that take the time to read this would be honest with them selves and know that I dont mean to hurt anyone and or upset anyone.. This is just a place for me to vent open and honestly.....and please know... If you think something is about you....but it doesnt straight out say that it is you, your probably wrong. People now days seem to take everything and anything that another person say's SO personally! I mean serioulsy, how many people is 1 persons life? How many of those people do you think annoys or aggrivates in one single day? Well if you have anything like my life....it happens kinda alot. Not that im mad at people... But I just dont get it half the time! Life is hard enough.....I just dont understand why people let the little stuff get to them all the time. I try every single day to keep my spirits high, but ya know being Bipolar, it sometimes is ALOT easier said then done, and having grumpy people all the time makes it almost impossible. BLAH BLAH BLAH
What am I even saying? Serioulsy?
So Memories are like the Chicken Pox Scars of the Soul....... Im sure most people have had Chicken Pox, and you may have a few of those annoying little scars on your face or arms or whatever, that you dont really think about most of the time, But if you look REALLY Close you see them.....well that is how it is with ALOT of my memories. I dont think about them most of the time, but something like a smell in the air, a song a radio, a stranger walking by, and BOOM, your smacked in the face with a memory that seems to tare you apart almost as much as it did the first time. This sort of thing isent very good when you have anxiety attacks...But thankful it doesnt happen all that often either.
Although it does ussually seem to happen in clusters.....and well that can get really over whelming at times.
Moving on..... Johnathan and I went camping this past weekend, and on our way home we drove north so we could stop at Fort Stevens State Park, which accually holds alot of great memories from my childhood, but after we went to Fort Stevens we went home through ASTORIA, a certain biological father lives there.....and that just made me start thinking many diffent thoughts.... If you read some of my past blogs you may have a better understanding of what my thoughts may have been. Well im coming to a part in my life, where I am questioning how I would feel if He died, and I had never taken a moment to get answers to questions, or have any understanding who he is. I still dont know where I stand on this subject. But I have made some contact with him. I am just going to try and take this one moment at a time....that is all I think I really can do. Now one of my sisters took it apon herself a few years ago, to meet him and ask him face to face all the things that haunted her soul.... I am so proud that she was strong enough to do that, but me.....at this point in my life, I think I will still need the protection of the internet walls to keep me safe.. I honestly have no want to see him. But to get a climpse into his soul might help my heart. We will see!
UGH....Im tired!!! Sorry for being so random!